Since updating my query letter, I have received three full manuscript requests in the past month for my YA Bridgerton-meets-witches fantasy novel, Season of Fire. I posted a thread on Twitter about the changes I made, and it seemed to help other writers, so here’s a more in-depth look at how to polish your query letter! I hope this helps you, too.

To start, I want to first acknowledge that I had help with my query letter. It has evolved significantly since I sent my first query letter this time last year. (The first letter fills me with internal cringe and embarrassment, but, hey, we learn by trial and error.) The writing community on Twitter and TikTok is so incredibly supportive, and I have had several people offer amazing feedback. I also have attended a few conferences and workshops, and had practice polishing my query letter when I was accepted to film the TV pilot for America’s Great Author. If you would like me to look at your query letter, please reach out to me via my contact page or via Twitter. I love to help! 

What works for me might not work for you, so take what advice resonates and leave what does not. I will say the most important advice here is on writing the first paragraph. 

Note: I won’t be posting the entirety of my actual query letter here while the book is being considered by agents. If it gets picked up, I will update with screenshots! 

On to the tips!

FIRST PARAGRAPH – Metadata

Your first paragraph should include all of the metadata for your manuscript. Here’s what to include, not necessarily in order. Agents want to know all of this straightaway, not dig through your letter for it. Thank you to The Shit No One Tells You About Writing podcast for this tip! (If you haven’t given them a listen, do check them out. I’ve learned so much from them.)

• Title
• One sentence pitch
• Word count 
• Genre
• Comp titles
  • With your comp titles, include what specific aspect of your book is similar to your comp titles. Is it the setting, the voice, the characters, the atmosphere? Specify that here.

In my old query letter, I had led with the manuscript’s hook and included a carefully researched tidbit that I hoped would connect with the agent, like this book is a great fit because it has X, which you listed in your MSWL, that kind of thing. 

SECOND PARAGRAPH – Pitch Paragraph

You should aim to pitch your book in a single paragraph, focusing on describing the setting, character growth, and general plot – without giving too much away. It’s a very tricky thing that takes a lot of revision. 

Here is a loose formula that you can use to flesh out your paragraph, from author and editor Eve Porinchak. 

In a SETTING after a CATALYST, a PROTAGONIST has a PROBLEM caused by an ANTAGONIST as she tries to achieve a GOAL.

After I write my pitch paragraph, I usually go back and highlight each part that corresponds to this formula, just to make sure I got it all. Then I revise, revise, revise. 

Also, include specific details that bring your characters and setting to life! For example, I had 

Rose Worthington is floundering in Regency London’s latest social season, which wouldn’t be so bad if she weren’t also experiencing uncontrollable flare-ups of magic. 

Adding specific details about how Rose’s magic manifests makes it come alive: 

Avoiding suitors and dancing at balls is hard enough without trying to hide uncontrollable flare-ups of magic that result in shattered glass and scorched wallpaper.

In my previous letter, I had two paragraphs about the book, lacking in those little details.

THIRD PARAGRAPH – Bio 

Include the following in your bio paragraph. Let the agent know a little bit about who you are as a person! 

• My day job
• What previous publishing experience do you have, if any? Spoiler: I have none. Still trying to get short stories published. So instead I include . . .
• Writing organizations I belong to (SCWBI and Maine Writers and Publishers Alliance). 
• Hobbies outside of writing
• Social media (my BookTok account)

Stats for those who are curious:

Word Count

Old version: 365

New version: 368

Pitch Paragraph Word Count

Old version: 162

New version: 175. It looks like a longer chunkier paragraph honestly, but I think those descriptive details really sell the book as a whole. But, when looking at the query letter overall, it looks more concise because it has fewer overall paragraphs. 

I hope this is helpful to anyone who is working on their query letters! Again, do please reach out if you are interested in chatting about your own query letter! 

Wishing you much success in your querying,

💖 Cidney